I am surrounded by foodies. I befriend them, I work with them, I have dated a few. But try and pretend as I might, I am just not one.
As a child, I'd shudder when I smell 'lor bak' (braised pork) being cooked for dinner. I don't like the smell of pork. I won't buy pork for cooking when I lived on my own. I am not one to talk in anticipation about the latest restaurant in town. I'd trawl food sections in magazines and blogs so that I can keep up with one of the foodies I am dating and yet the first press releases I'd ever worked on was on food. I recall having to search the thesaurus for the various words to describe how food tastes: sumptuous, delicious, scrumptious. Of course there are now modern variations of such vocabulary: delish, fantabulous, etc. I don't think I did too badly on the work front.
I eat to live. I eat for energy so that I can think of solutions at work and have the strength to meet deadlines and manage a team. I eat so that I can attend networking events, cocktail parties and bar launches which take a hell lot of energy out of an introvert like me who prefer to hole up in bed all day and write with a glass of vino by my side. Or have a good, quiet and intellectual conversation about the world-at-large over a bottle of wine.
Whilst others view food in terms of texture, colour, presentation and all things to do with gastronomical delight, I view food in terms of fibre, vitamins, minerals, simple and complex carbohydrates. I can go for days without food but I have difficulty going for days without caffeine, adrenaline, words to express myself and of course, vino.
I don't detest food. I am just not into food, just as I am not into designer brands or fashion. My choice of clothes had always gone by the principle of 'timeless, simple, classic', so that they can last me for years. I am still wearing things that I'd been wearing ten years ago.
A nerd at heart, what excites me is when someone talks to me about topics such as pharmaceutical drugs patent law, about the concept of feudalism/ capitalism/ communism, branding, the latest trends in social media, etc. I'd sink my teeth into topics like that (pun unintended).
Which was why it was baffling for people around me to understand why I had to force feed myself. The world is made up of different types of people who react differently to circumstances. I'd gone for more than 10 days without food, not because I am anorexic but simply because I don't have an appetite and everything that I put into my mouth taste like ash. But I have no issues sipping on a large glass of soul-numbing, full-bodied vino so that I can let my inhibitions go: I write better with it, I host events better with a glass of vino backstage and I even salsa better with a sip or two of wine.
I even have nicknames for them:
1) Red wine - rose-tinted antioxidants
2) White wine - soul-numbing cooler
3) Champagne - I'd always fondly called them 'my liquid sunshine'
My lack of passion for food has of course landed me in physical trouble. I became malnourished, too weak to even walk. Replacing calories from food with madmen-inspired cocktails and liquid sunshine, which is what a lot people from industries who thrive on 'brains must go with looks' do, has landed my body in big trouble.
Hence I am penning my revelation about my relationship with food. Can I develop a passion for it? No. Just as I can't develop any passion for some really nice men who have come my way. I eat to live, I live for passion and for subjects that make my eyes light with fire.
Today, I am eating so that I can heal my internal organs, so that I have the energy to stand up, slip my feet into my 3.5 inch heels and swagger through life again.
~ Angela M Tan (Feb 2014)
